Monday, December 29, 2008

White Dreads

C'mon, really. Grind that beeswax into your wig of stinky breadsticks and tell us your hair does this naturally. If you're going to dismiss the benefits of bathing, a shaved head is a reasonable, responsible and low-maintenance way of being dirty. I'm sure they make a product in Maine or Vermont or some place that's sweat lodge friendly that would keep your hair from "naturally" dreading. You know, some type of soapish thing that will clean anything. I want you to use the same thing to brush your teeth that you use to lather your up your asshole. Why stop there? You can take care of plaque while you wax your Prius with the same shit. You missed a spot on your JAH 420 vanity plates. I like weed too, but do you have to take the same approach as the Irish on St. Patrick's day. "I'm so Jah that you have to see it to believe it." Believe me, when a cop sees those festering hairy baguettes cascading from underneath that toaster cozy on your head, it's not going to help when you are wearing custom, "Free Mumia" messenger bag with a blu-ray copy of "The Harder They Come" inside, and enough patchoulli to melt that new wax job right off of your fucking hybrid.
Thanks for listening, enjoy.

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